Wednesday, April 11, 2007


Eyebrows are such an odd and funny thing. For the first several years of my adult life I blissfully went about my life giving my eyebrows not a second thought. They were just there, and that was it. I knew that my mom used to go and let them put hot wax on her face because of her bushy eyebrows, but I was too young to really "get it." Then one day while in Japan my very dear and apparently very gay friend calls to explain the trouble he was having with plucking his eyebrows. It seems that as soon as he would do one side and then try to make the other match, that second side would have just a little less, so he'd go back to that first side to even it out, but then that side would have less and so on and so on trying to get them even in an endless and vicious cycle of pain and unsymmetrical-ness. Out of curiosity and in support of my friend, I bought some tweezers and gave it a try. Sitting on the tatami in the hot summer giving this thing a try, after just a couple of token plucks I started sweating even more from the anticipation of each little pain as I plucked and my legs started sticking to the tatami, so I decided it hurt too much and went back to not bothering. And I didn't bother again for a long time.

But then a few years ago I realized that my eyebrows really just didn't look good. I didn't quite have a unibrow, but I didn't have that nice eyebrow shape that quietly adds something nice to someone's face, so I gave it another whirl. Fearful of all that is not symmetrical, I decided that this should be left to professionals, even if it cost $10 for something I could do for free at home. So I started going to the wax people once in awhile. With varying results. Sometimes it would be as perfect as I'd hoped. Sometimes my eyebrows looked like horseshoes with weird little hooks on the inside ends. And one time my eyebrows came out pretty OK, but the bitch at the register tried to screw me when I needed change in singles for the tip. I paid with a $20 and wanted the $10 back as a $5 and 5 $1's. Instead, she tried giving me 2 $5's expecting that I intended to give a 50% tip. Wrong. The eyebrows didn't look that fabulous. She made a production of having to open the register again and acted really snotty about the whole thing, and that was the last time I went to the salon for my eyebrows. Instead, I gave the nearby beauty school a try figuring they could still do a better job than I could. And she did, but it took about 45 minutes. That's a long time to sit there and keep waiting for it to hurt.

And so for the last several years I've just done the damn things myself. With varying results. Usually it turns out fine, and I've been very careful to avoid that whole plucking one more to match the other cycle. What I didn't expect is this new problem I currently have. At some point, I must have plucked just a little too soon or just not thoroughly because instead of getting to just do them all at once occasionally, somehow about every 5 days there are new ones there to pluck that weren't there when I did the rest 5 days ago. It's like they are all growing in on different schedules. This doesn't work for me. I'm not an every 5 days kind of girl. My life is way too short for that.

And so the only solution I can see is to grow the damn things out all the way until they are all on the same schedule and start again if I still feel like caring about something so silly as eyebrows. I'm really not that kind of girl.

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