Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Guiltfree Breathing Day 22, Starting Week 4

I suppose it's a little milestone of sorts to be on Day 22 not smoking (Chantix Day 34) and starting the 4th week of my new life. It truly is a new life.

I don't have to feel that nagging guilt that I'd started feeling the past 5 years or so knowing that I was harming myself and was getting just old enough that it really was starting to matter and knowing that eventually I'd have to quit (again, but for good). It should have mattered just as much even when I was younger because I was still doing damage, but I was younger and hadn't yet started to notice any of that aging stuff (didn't plan on every getting old like other people...), so it was convenient enough to put off quitting and still think that I'd be OK. I got irritated with a doctor once, years ago, who I had to see just once for a work physical (very weird forced visit - I sit at a desk all day for work, but whatever), when he said about my smoking and apparent lack of intention to do much about it for the moment "so, what, you are just playing the odds that you'll quit in time before something happens that can't be reversed?" Yah, basically. But you know, his words kind of haunted me because he was right. It's true that some people can smoke until 85+ years old and die of something else, other people get cancer and die in their 30's or younger - which one am I? Statistics are meaningless to me in terms of how unlikely I am to have something bad happen to me - I've landed in the 1% category before on other things, so how would I know just when the smoking would "get me"?

Today, I wake up without a morning cough and without its accompanying fear of whether today's the day smoking "gets me" and dread that someday I'll really have to do battle with quit smoking. Today I wake up and smoking is not the first thing on my mind (though it does show up shortly thereafter - still progress). Throughout the day I remember during the urges that still come (though not nearly as much) that this does get easier with time and that I had to start somewhere and actually did. The nagging in the back of my head about that doctor's words are gone today and just help keep me going as a positive thought instead because I finally did something about it, and hopefully I did it in time.

Besides, in about a week or so, some of my wrinkles might go away, according to this UK version (where it's called Champix, not Chantix) of what happens when quitting smoking. My other favorite article about effects on our bodies when we quit smoking was the one my sweetie sent to me before my quit that I've posted previously back on Day One. In any case, even when it's tough, this a good thing for me, for my body, for my life. Bring on another day and let's get Week 4 started!

4 comments:

  1. We'll make it, Maggie!

    It's funny. I have less smoking years, and STILL I wonder all the time if I've quit early enough to prevent something bad happening in my lifetime.

    It may sound like cliche but it is true to its core. It is never late.

    And I don't know about you, but my wrinkles have already improved significantly! (I knew it was to happen from last quit, but it's really amazing how monumental the changes are!)

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  2. Ooh, I haven't seen the crow's feet leave yet (though I haven't really looked, either - maybe they have?), but I welcome anything that keeps me looking 28 or at least just not like the baggy old yellow toothed smoker image I was running into with abandon.

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  3. I haven't noticed a decrease in my wrinkles yet but there is still hope ;)

    Of course I have a lovely sunburn right now so maybe when it goes away :)

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  4. Hi Lakasha! Good to see you around again.

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