Friday, July 20, 2007

Small Update

Just a small update on the blue nevus biopsy thing, it sounds like the area is not infected but just hurting because of how deep the punch biopsy was (5mm) which makes sense because I told Tom it felt like a nerve thing and didn't really look icky or anything. I take back what I said about slow test results from Kaiser in this case because they were at least able to tell me the most important thing today - not cancer - even if there are still some odd "issues" (because I'm usually odd) that my doctor will discuss further with me next week (that may include further acquaintance with more sharp instruments - boo, hiss on that). I pretty much expected it was nothing, but it's still very reassuring and nice to hear those not cancer words, especially now.

Lengthy Side note: I'm so grateful right this moment that I quit smoking. I mean, I know that non-smokers do absolutely get cancer, but I'm glad to not be thinking about it so constantly as if it was right around the corner and would be my own fault for ignoring the warnings and letting it "get me" by not only doing nothing to prevent it, but worse, so blatantly almost tempting it. I'm not sure if there's a time frame by when I'll be completely out of the woods across the board from the effects of having been a smoker, but today I'm just glad that I've picked up my little pack of useful tools and resolution, said my goodbyes to my poisonous old friend and have started hiking my way out (with my walking stick, Chantix; thank God for Chantix this time through), and I won't look back.


  1. Don't look back (just as you say) ....

    I'm very grateful that I quit smoking as well ...... and, I totally know what you mean about the cancer thoughts......

    for me, it was almost getting sort of crazy .... I'd be smoking, and, I'd be thinking about how this activity would possibly cause me to have cancer, and, I'd continue smoking ...

    I feel so much more sane no longer having that nutty thought experience.

  2. Amen, John. Fewer worrisome thoughts are a good thing.

  3. Indeed.. to think about how crazy it really is to have completely recognized that we were killing ourselves while we were smoking and still kept puffing away.

    I was chatting with a friend last night who for the most part is one of those actual "social smokers" who only smokes at the bar; I basically told him that while I have complete sympathy for "actual smokers" because it is frickin hard to quit.. I had no sympathy at all for him and thought that frankly he was just DUMB! If you know the risks of smoking and don't feel like you have to smoke why on earth would you simply "Choose" to do so?

  4. Wow, yes, Lakasha. I don't get the social smoker thing, either. It's kind of like social Russian roulette.

  5. I don't know. I have thought before that if I were really capable of having just one cigarette every now and then, I probably wouldn't bother quitting. I just know that my relationship to this substance is such that I have proven totally incapable of doing that.

    I hear you on the cancer terrors, though. In my case, cancer has been a long term worry, but stroke is a clear and present danger. Both of my grandparents on one side were heavy smokers, and both had debilitating strokes in their 50's.

    I'll be so glad to put this all behind me.

  6. True, Ellie, if I thought I really could just have one smoke once in awhile, maybe it would be worth the risk since it's got to be lower than that of a regular smoker, but it's hard for my mind to conceive of anything but all or nothing. Hence the Chantix and the big quit ;)


Talk to me.