Monday, July 02, 2007

Tough Sunday Morning

It's Day 14 (corrected, sheesh, I can't count) of not smoking and Chantix Day 26 (that was wrong, too). This morning, the *only* reason that I am not lighting up is because I have already made it this damn far and don't want to have to start over. That's it. That's my only reason this morning. None of my typical happy horseshit reasons right now about breathing better and healing faster and smelling nice and ... (true horseshit, but in my current mindset horseshit nonetheless, and I just don't really care). I've been up less than an hour and have actually had some cravings. Any of you who have been reading along know that I separate regular urges from intense cravings and that, while my urges come and go, on Chantix I've had few actual cravings of the intense variety since quitting. Looks like they have been stored up in some hellish place and are all out to get me this morning instead (yes, I know I sound like a nut).

I just took my Chantix with coffee (Tom is good to me) since nothing bad happened with yesterday's experiments (will go get some water because I'll need the water and breathing method of coping this morning anyway - might even eat, too), so hopefully by this afternoon I'll be back on my usual little Happy Non-Smoker Train talking about how damn "wonderful!" it all is that I don't smoke anymore. But for right now, I'm kind of pissed off and would almost trade "wonderful!" for just one smoke - only almost. There's hope for me yet.

2 comments:

  1. Maggie: Hang in there. I just found your blog yesterday..my first day on Chantix..and your journey is a huge inspiration. That demon is just pissed at you for doing so well, don't let it win!
    breathefreetn

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  2. Thanks much! And congrats on starting this journey - this morning was bumpy, but overall, it's really such a good thing. I hope you'll pop in sometimes with updates on how it's going - or start a blog so I can visit :)

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