Saturday, August 04, 2007

Almost

Today is Chantix Day 59 and Smoke-free Day 47.

See, I'm smart when I'm careful to say during even the best moments of this not smoking journey that it's almost a walk in the park or almost easy (or more boldly, almost insanely easy).

The key word is always almost.

The reason is because there still are times when even though I know I'm not going to smoke, it's still just not quite as easy as it has been. I'm cool with that. I smoked for a much, much longer time than I've been quit (mmm, about 20+ years longer), so even on Day 47 of smelling so damn good (and I do!) and breathing so much more freely, I can have one particular Friday morning (like, say, this particular morning right now) that isn't as easy as yesterday was. I'm pretty sure there were again zero urges all day yesterday (and in case you haven't been reading along, actual cravings for me on Chantix were very few and just back at the start - so I'm left with only the smaller urges to whine about instead, how 'bout that - Chantix rocks!).

Just because this particular morning right now is a little, I hesitate to even use the word rough since that's too strong, so I'll just say less easy, this doesn't mean that my entire day will necessarily be like that. Some mornings (or nights, afternoons, take your pick), though fewer now, it's not quite as easy, but often at some point in the day I realize that I'm back to all good, almost easy, and the part that was not quite as easy has already left unannounced and without my notice.

This all relates in my mind to my belief that Chantix is not actually some miracle pill magic wonder drug that makes the whole quitting smoking thing incredibly and seamlessly easy all the way through with no effort or cooperation at any point. I worry when I see stuff that leans that way or uses some of those buzz words because it's not realistic (at least not in my experience) and does nothing to prepare a person for the fact that there will be ups and downs along the path any more than me telling myself that from here on out this will be completely easy does.

And so, I can have as many actually easy moments as I want (and oh, how I do enjoy those to bits!), but almost easy is the most accurate overall description of this stage of my journey (which is still better than previous stages of the journey).

Sometimes almost is just enough. And that's plenty.

4 comments:

  1. Aptly put. I feel the exact same way. It's *almost* easy.

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  2. If something in life comes about too easy we don't believe that it really happened, therefore it's not such a big deal. When something is "almost" easy, that means that we have to actually "work" for what we want. That's what makes it worth it. And I know for me...working for something is NEVER easy!!

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  3. Nathan and Jaime, I'm so glad you got what I was trying to say. Sometimes I get rambling and just hope that my point is still clear.

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  4. Ah, nothing worth having is ever easy to get, so I take the "struggle", if you will, in stride. In the end, it'll all be worth it, and I'm very thankful for that.

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