Saturday, August 25, 2007

Another Anthem and Another Linky Loo Add

It's still thankfully Friday, Chantix Day 80 (or day 3 of the 1.5mg dose while tapering) and Smoke-free Day 68.

Awhile back I was all jazzed up screaming along to the radio in the car to what became my new anthem as a former smoker now breathing free (The Eagles, "Already Gone"). Of course, I blogged about it. It happened again today. I was just screaming along, minding the own business of me, and I found that much of what I was scringing (new word - scream/sing) I would have said in my goodbye to cigarettes letter that so many of my readers have written but that I didn't. If you don't know the song by heart, the full lyrics are here, and at least for right now it's posted on YouTube if you want the full experience with video I'd never seen, but this bit gives you an idea:
But Since U Been Gone
I can breathe for the first time
I'm so moving on
Yeah, yeah
Thanks to you
Now I get (I get) what I want
Since U Been Gone
And I *do* get what I want now, and it's not the cigarette that I always thought I wanted. It was my damn addiction part of me that wanted that poison, not the rest of me. What is it that I want? I want to LIVE and BREATHE and smell the seasons (yes, I really can, and in fact, I did it on my lunch break - still summer)! I want to LAUGH all the way, no holding back, deep down to my belly and with joy in my heart without coughing. I want to KISS and be KISSED without a shameful ashtray mouth. I want to SING at the top of my lungs and hold long notes even if I can't carry a tune. I want my MONEY to be spent on anything, anything but killing myself, practical (likely) or frivolous (unlikely) though it may be. I want to LOVE and be LOVED without feeling guilty that if something smoking related (plenty, take you pick) "got me," it would have been my own damn fault (I'm not out of the woods, but now I'm headed that way at least). I want to never, ever trade what I really do want for a cardboard box of poison wrapped in cellophane. No more, I say! No more!

Oh my God, I just said never, and now my eyes are all welled up in a good way. I think I'm in this for good this time, even if I do take it one day at a time getting there because some days will be that way, I know.

Someone else I look forward to cheering on who will shortly be added to the links on the side and to my list of Linky Loos:

Current, Regularly Updated Blogs I Read Daily:
  • My Chantix Experience - Chris started Chantix on August 22, 2007 and started cutting back as part of the gearing up for the quit.

3 comments:

  1. Say it girl! /me clicks fingers and waves arms around.

    Ahem...j/k. But I am so glad to read your inspirational post. Keep going Maggie!

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  2. Thanks so much for the support - you're awesome!

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  3. Thank you Nathan and Chris! If you're happy and you know it and all that ;)

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