Monday, August 27, 2007

Didn't Feel a Thing

Today is Chantix Day 82 (or day 1 of the 1mg dose while tapering) and Smoke-free Day 70.

Again, I'm not recommending, I'm just sharing my experience ;)

Nutshell version of what I've already discussed: Awhile back, inspired to discuss the issue because of a post on Ellie's blog, I talked about the fact that I still had a pack with 4 cigarettes in it sitting on my kitchen counter because I wound up quitting sooner than the Chantix Day 15 drop dead no matter what absolutely must do this quit date I'd set for myself. So, they were there on June 17th when I went to bed, and when I woke up June 18th (Chantix Day 13) and decided that it was the day to become a non-smoker, there they still were because no magical force removed them while I slept and enjoyed my Chantix dreams. The first few days I just didn't have the inclination to do anything about them because I was scared to pick them up for fear they they would tie me up and breathe themselves into my lungs. Then within a few days or however long, it wasn't that fear anymore since I had to pick them up whenever I used the espresso maker on which they sat (and we all know I do that frequently), but it became helpful to me somehow that even though they were right there, I had decided that I did not want to and wasn't going to smoke, and it made me that much more determined. I couldn't explain this so well, but Ellie explained in the comments part of what made sense to me. I just knew that I wasn't even remotely tempted to have one of those, even during the most rugged patches of cravings, urges, tuggings or just plain wanting to smoke. Again, I can see where this "plan" could be a disaster, and it's not for everyone, and if I'd have known I was going to quit on that exact day, I probably would have tossed them like most folks for the same very good and very sane reasons.

Now for the today stuff: This morning I woke up and wanted to see if I could re-create the absolutely perfect latte I'd made yesterday (well, almost out of Peach flavor, so this one would be Watermelon) by not tamping the grounds, just tapping the side. I slid the espresso maker out from it's position on the counter, took the sugar bowl off of it, took the pack of cigarettes off of it, and just decided that while the sugar bowl stays, I could think of no good reason anymore to keep that pack of 4 cigarettes. Not only did I still have no intention of ever smoking them, whatever mental good it was doing to have them there passed long ago, and I no longer cared about them either way. In fact, just like when I first wrote about them 10 days ago, they were no more emotional to me than a napkin holder (though on a good PMS day I bet I could muster up some emotion for that - OK, never mind). I'd toyed with the idea of keeping them like others had mentioned knowing people to do for 25+ years or whatever, but I have enough clutter. Since I can't find that fanny pack I thought I had and considered wearing, I might have actually tossed it before the move, the thought parting with the last remnants of my days killing myself just wasn't that big of a deal. I still do get it why people keep one in the glove box forever after quitting, and I think that's great for them. I just don't have room in my glove box, don't want to keep moving them when I make and Americano or a latte, and don't care enough to find them a new home, so they are gone.

Of course, I did open the pack, pull one out and smell it before I tossed them. They still have that "fresh" smell that menthols in particular have, the one that has misled me in the past. I like that smell, but since smoking them is anything but a "fresh" feeling and instead involves being poisoned and smelling bad, perhaps they are made to smell good before you light them. It's not like the tobacco folks haven't come up with other tricks. Anyway, it was almost odd how even after smelling the old familiar smell, I didn't feel a thing as I tossed them into the trash as if they were general kitchen rubbish. Which, in fact, is all they had become.

Oh, and the latte did come out perfectly!

4 comments:

  1. Maggie, you are brave. If I had a cigarette around -- if I touched it and smelled it -- I am pretty sure I would have smoked it. Of course, I'm only six days into this, and you're way ahead of me in terms of experience. Still, I think you're brave.

    Thank you for continuing to blog about your experiences! It really is helpful to those of us who are just starting out on this path!

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  2. Thank you, Bay. It just kind of worked out how it did that I had some still in my home, and I was surprised that it had the opposite effect than I expected. I'm so thrilled to be reading along with your progress, too!

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  3. Yay for you!!
    That is amazing. Gives me hope

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  4. Thanks, Olivia! Like I said, my method probably isn't for everyone and wasn't even intentional, but it worked. I do hope you'll keep checking in!

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