Sunday, August 05, 2007

Tuggings and Late-Bloomers

This fine Saturday morning is Chantix Day 60 and Smoke-free Day 48.

Funny enough, this morning is a bit like yesterday morning with some little "tuggings" (my way of describing what's not a craving - those are long gone, not even an urge - those are not as bad as cravings and are fewer these days, but just... a light tugging). I almost feel like I need a little glossary of Maggie Speak for the way I define things in my make-word-usage-up as I go kind of mind.

Anywho. Tuggings. It's a Saturday morning, so it's kind of par for the course with the whole weekend and "me time" thing that I notice my not smoking-ness (weekends can be tougher or at least different for many, so I'm not alone), but even weekends have been getting so incredibly much easier, ever so gradually throughout this journey. I say tuggings because the pull really is fairly gentle, yet still there.

Funny enough, I think might finally be getting close to the stage that other Chantix bloggers (take a look at the expanding list on the side!) have mentioned much earlier along their paths where it's more like they want "something" that might not even necessarily be a cigarette. I'm kind of debating if I'm there yet. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's a tugging of the cigarette variety, and yet I also somehow think that yummy and healthy whole-wheat banana pancakes could actually be what's pulling at me and could maybe satisfy this tugging (thankfully it's not my usual wish for something bad for me like Taco Bell, who I love, too dearly - different battle for a different day).

This all got me thinking that in some ways I'm kind of a late-bloomer, and I'm more than OK and don't see it at all as anything "bad" (just wanted to clarify) as long as I continue being smoke-free in the end. We each take our own time to get to whatever point we are at in quitting smoking, and it's clearly not an overnight process for anyone.
  • I'm just now thinking I might be rounding into that stage I mentioned above of wanting "something" that's not necessarily a cigarette, while others reached that point much earlier on.
  • I started watching a great movie last night, The Station Agent, where there is some smoking, and it kind of made me wince a bit and want to look away, probably partly because I haven't had a reason to be around smoking and smokers since quitting, while many of my fellow bloggers have been more exposed to it and probably wouldn't bat an eye at someone smoking in a movie. It's not like I ran out to buy smokes after watching a scene, and someday I probably won't even notice - "he was what? smoking? oh, you don't say; I missed that detail."
  • I still felt at my 6 Week mark that I'd probably always have a "soft spot" for smoking (which I do think was too strong a word - I was aiming for more of a "gee, wouldn't that be nice" feeling cropping up over my lifetime), and maybe this will someday leave me as it has already for others, but I'll have to just wait and see.
  • Plenty of people were as ready as they were going to get to stop smoking by Chantix Day 8, but for me it wasn't until Chantix Day 13 (with a drop dead no matter what quit date deadline of Chantix Day 15 - I do believe strongly in having some kind of absolute time limit, even if it's longer than the one week prescribed).
I mention all of this because just like with the different Chantix side effects for different people, so, too, as similar as the process of quitting smoking is, will each person's journey be just a bit different from someone else. This is one of the reasons I am so thrilled that there are so very many of us blogging our way through this so that we can read about a wide range of experiences we might encounter at various points along the way as we take this very big deal of a step in changing our lives by becoming non-smokers.

And here's one more of those to add to the my Linky Loos (which I'll update later, but the blog is listed over on the side):

Current, Regularly Updated Blogs I Read Daily:

Heather's Blog - Heather has a very special reason for setting her quit date for August 25, 2007 and starting Chantix a week or two before then because she will be getting married a month later (at a very cool venue!) to a groom who used to but now doesn't smoke. How wonderful is that?

6 comments:

  1. Here's a problem I'm having. I can't decide if I really *want* a cigarette in the physical sense or if I'm following habits (e.g. the after dinner smoke - is it physical craving or just what one does after eating?). I'm sure it's still a mixture of both at this point. How do you tell the difference?

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  2. So true, Tasina, that the cigarettes I've wanted have often been just out of habit as well as out of my body in nicotine withdrawal. In theory, on Chantix, it should mostly be of the habit variety since it's been blocking the nicotine receptors, but honestly, I've usually not been able to tell the difference. As long as I didn't smoke in either case, that's what counted ;)

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  3. I have to admit that after eating dinner (not lunch or breakfast...just dinner) is when I have that little *itch* for a smoke. I believe that we want one out of habit...not need. I've been trying to do something right after I put my plate in the sink...that way the *itch* can't get to me!!LOL

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  4. Yep, Jaime, the "itch" to smoke - not a need.

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  5. Maggie, dear, you're fine either way. You're absolutely right about everyone's story being very unique - it's different for us all. I think that's the assumption we all have when we read other people's blogs.

    Love the tugging definition! Totally cool term!

    The stage you're at, I strongly believe, is also about your mindset, not necessarily Chantix. It is after all OUR MIND that makes that final leap to identify ourselves as non-smokers. Chantix only makes it an easier process for us to come to that. I hope this makes sense... Like, say, a month ago - I could've chosen to think of the urges I had as they were for a cigarette. But I chose not to. Because I decided I wasn't a smoker anymore. Think about this for a sec.

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  6. Stan, yep, it's definitely a mind thing. I'm OK with being a non-smoker who quit not all that long ago and still gets "tugs" or even "urges" (not interested in having any actual "cravings," though). My mind takes things very literally and isn't so flexible with trying to convince it that it's something else I'm wanting, but it's getting there. Now, I'm still craving those whole-wheat banana pancakes instead - almost every time a cigarette tugging comes along, there's the pancakes, so my mind is finally catching on little by strange little. ;)

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