Saturday, September 29, 2007

Not a Straight Line

Today is Smoke-free Day 103.

I've long said that processes involving most big life changes rarely go in a straight line from "bad" at the start to "wonderful" at the end. Instead, there are usually bumps along the way so that even while the general direction of "being OK" when drawn on graph would be heading diagonally upward to the right, there will also be some places where it peaks just a bit more or where it dips down just a bit more - sometimes even quite a bit in either direction. We are human, so there will be variations and days that are easier or harder. I learned all of this by experiencing and sorting through my grief when I lost my wonderful mom (and for several years after that), but it applies elsewhere, too, especially to my experience in quitting smoking.

For me, making the decision to quit smoking wasn't so difficult because it had been a long time coming. I'd quit before, knew I could do it, knew it would be hard but had heard from my dear friend J that Chantix could make it easier, so I gave it a go. I wanted to quit, but I wasn't interested in going into full body armor to fight this addiction cold turkey or other method (most of which, to me, weren't much better than cold turkey, honestly, and the patches gave me bad dreams and left that sticky tape gunk on my skin) if I didn't have to go that route. In fact, it was probably going to have been another little while before attempting a quit until I did hear about this new option.

Still, I did understand, again, with benefit of having been down the path before, that some work and cooperation would be required on my part. And it was. I am delighted that some folks really do actually find Chantix to make it even easier than it was for me, and I know that they must also have some tougher moments. It's part of us each taking our own paths that I've talked about in the past. We each have our own journey to experience. I tried pulling out the relevant highlights of my first almost 50 or so days in this post, and at the start the ride is a bit bumpier and the line isn't quite as straight, but looking back since then, it has gotten straighter overall.

I had a few tougher days near the end of my tapering off Chantix, and some extra tuggings after that, but still, even at that point, I was overall further ahead on the way to being OK with being a non-smoker than I had been at the start.

Because I'm a huge dork, if I get a chance, I might even try to go for another re-cap and graph something out, but for now my point is just that it's not a straight line, but a squiggly line that does aim upward overall, even with some bumps and dips along the way.

And I'm OK with that today because I'm still not smoking.

1 comment:

  1. You are not a dork - you're wonderful! Have a great weekend...


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