Thursday, September 27, 2007

When? and Whispers

Today is Smoke-free Day 101.

It's funny how even though I've been blogging mostly daily since I started Chantix back on June 6, 2007, and have even tried to do little re-caps here and there, things still sneak up on me and make me wonder "just when was it that I started to notice X had changed?" I guess sometimes it's all so gradual that at first some changes go unnoticed because they are so tiny, but before you know it, the change has taken place.

For me, a wonderful change has taken place sometime since my September 14th post when I was having frequent tuggings (for new readers, those are far from cravings and even less than urges in my glossary of Maggie terms I make up as I go - see link) after tapering off Chantix (enough links in one sentence, sheesh). On that date, I'd been completely off Chantix for exactly 8 days, but I'd been feeling the increased tuggings since very shortly after dropping to the lowest dose of my taper (0.25mg - see link above). In those days, I was noticing that life was a little different being off Chantix - not terrible, mind you, just a little different and a little tougher in some small patches with more tuggings.

And now, even the tuggings seem fewer and further between.

I don't know exactly when during these past less than 2 weeks since that post that it got different, but it's different. Perhaps some of the days I just attributed it to having an absolutely wonderful time while my dear friend J was visiting and keeping too busy having too much fun to smoke, but he's been gone since about 5AM on Sunday morning. It's Wednesday. I have no tuggings. Matter of fact, yesterday, too, I had no tuggings.

As I think about it, I can't remember my last feeling of tuggings.

And so, another word is added to my ever growing glossary because I'm having what I can only describe as "whispers." Even less powerful than tuggings (which are less powerful than urges, which are far less powerful than cravings), these whispers are simply like little thoughts about smoking that are so easy to dismiss because I love where I am right now as a non-smoker. In fact, maybe because I've been blogging my butt off throughout my journey, I can perhaps pinpoint the date the tuggings became more like whispers. It was on September 15th at my friends wedding when I thought about the points of the day when I would have smoked had I still been a smoker, but it was just thoughts that didn't even really bother me or tug at me (so, not tuggings), so I guess that post is how I would define these whispers.

There is life after Chantix. I'm living it. And I'm grateful.

6 comments:

  1. Well how cool it that? It is so comforting to have some idea what it will eventually be like. Thank you!

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  2. I love your vocabulary Maggie!

    I'm looking forward to tuggings and eventually whispers. lol

    So glad you are enjoying your new life!

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  3. Maggie, your entire blog, from beginning to now, has been an inspiration. Today's post in particular is heartening and encouraging. Just today I was wondering, "When am I going to feel like a non-smoker?"

    The GetQuit thing told me three days ago that I am a non-smoker. But I don't feel like one. I still feel raw and ready to crack at any moment. I don't want to be around smokers; I don't want to look too closely at the cigarette display in the grocery store, for fear that I will break and suddenly buy a pack of cigarettes.

    So to be able to look at your experience, so carefully transcribed and posted here on your blog, is a great and wonderful tool as I continue to try to quit smoking. Sure, I haven't had a cigarette in more than five weeks -- that's nothing compared to your accomplishment!

    Thanks for blogging; thanks for being so honest. I cannot tell you how much it helps me!

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  4. Thank you, Chris, Sue and Bay!

    Bay, I still don't make direct eye contact with cigarette displays or go smoky places. It took me until last week to be OK drinking with my visiting friend for fear of wanting to smoke, so you are doing just fine. As long as we all keep going and don't smoke along the way, we'll get there ;)

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  5. Hi Maggie. That is so cool. I love that description of whispers. I'm not quite there yet- still at "tuggings"- but hopefully soon. Have a great smoke free day.

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  6. Thank you, Hope. I do think that "tuggings" stage is not at all a bad place to be, so you are doing just great. I love that it gets easier.

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