Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Doesn't Matter

Today is Smoke-free Day 128 (disclaimer).

Things are still busy and likely to be more so over the next few weeks both at work (eek!) and also back home (eek!), and none of it is at all as straightforward as my anal organized mind prefers in order not to feel overwhelmed and stressed out, so this isn't my favorite way to feel, to put it mildly. It also means that I may be posting a lot more than usual or a lot less than usual, and that really is subject to change and could go either way (like half the stuff on my desk here and most of the answers the doctors are giving my dad and my sister back home).

Whatever. My point really and most truly was not to whine but just to warn of possible sudden absence or abundance (in case of busy, gone home, gone nuts or all of the above) and to also make the point I was really actually trying to make before I typed and deleted stuff about 80 times, which is this point:

My point is that as far as smoking, it doesn't matter. It can be a stressful time (though I'd like it better if it wasn't - I think I do better on beaches in tropical locales, with my hair being braided, and I told Tom as much yesterday), but it doesn't mean I get to smoke. Ditto for any other kind of "time" (good time, bad time, stressful time, wish I could smoke time, glad I don't smoke time, difficult time, enjoyable time) that life tosses my way. It's life. I'm a non-smoker now. What kind of time I'm having is no longer any business of that old smoker person that used to hang out inside my skin because that stinky chick doesn't live here anymore. This isn't her body to pollute and poison and kill because I'm here now, and I'm ready to take better care of me because I'm a pretty OK chick. Chantix did it's thing and helped the first few months, but now it's all me continuing the journey. Doesn't matter what kind of day, doesn't matter if it isn't always easy, doesn't matter if I had an oops that must remain a part of the past, doesn't matter if I don't always absolutely love everything about the long ass process of quitting smoking and getting comfortable in my non-smoker skin - nope, doesn't matter. I don't get to / don't "have to" smoke, whichever way I want to see it.

7 comments:

  1. Maggie you amaze me so much...I'm so very proud of you ....it does take some time togetting used to the new me also...I'm so much happier at times than when I was smoking...it also feels like when you have ended a relationship with someone....dang it takes time to get over it....I continue to stay focused on having a longer life...when the stress hits is when I feel myself wanting to run back to my old friends....but I realize they are no longer my friends...Keep going Maggie...you are our Hero....My

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have no doubt Maggie that you will remain a non-smoker for the rest of your life. I don't think that I've ever read so much determination and acceptance for the new you as you have written.

    Best wishes with whatever is going on.

    You go girl!

    ReplyDelete
  3. MY, yes, I agree. It does take some getting use to, for certain.

    Sue, thank you. I just keep going and so do you. We'll all get there ;)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Indeed. Something we can all keep in mind. Doesn't matter. I don't smoke. Period.

    Thanks for the reminder Maggie.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Good post and good point. I try to keep that in mind. Especially after going off Chantix early.

    Thanks Maggie...

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for sharing your story - I have read almost every one of your posts over the past few hours. I am smoke-free for 12 days now. Chantix has worked perfectly for me with absolutely no side effects (I'm lucky). Best wishes for continued success! BTW- Don't stress about having that one cigarette - it's not worth it!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Thank you, Nathan, Chris and Bob. Much appreciated.

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me.