Today is Smoke-free Day 131 (disclaimer).
I've said plenty of times that for me the whole quitting smoking thing is definitely a process and not just a simple one day you are a smoker, the next day you aren't kind of thing. With Chantix, it's even more fun because it adds that extra layer of days when you are on it but still smoking the first week (or longer, like me, until Day 13), then still on the Chantix but not smoking (in theory 12 weeks, unless you get creative due to side effects or taper off Chantix - under doctor's supervision, of course), and finally, off Chantix, still not smoking, and hopefully feeling better about the whole thing. Most days.
My point is that it's kind of hard to pinpoint any exact day that my mind caught up with the idea that my body had actually already gone non-smoking. Sure, as of June 18, 2007, I became a non-smoker, a person who doesn't smoke. But someone who once did - and that makes all the difference. Since that date, I've been growing into my new non-smoking skin, getting used to it, alternately loving and not loving it through days both easier and more difficult. I'm still not all the way there yet, wherever it is that I think I'm going, which I guess is just further along the path away from my quit date.
I'm not sure that I'll ever feel quite the same as someone who was never a smoker. I'm content with this and not complaining, just noticing and wondering aloud (or whatever it's called in writing). I do absolutely expect that several years from now I will not be giving the whole not smoking thing nearly as much thought as I have the past four months, and I do expect that it will be super rare that smoking thoughts, let alone any tuggings or whispers, will be a part of my mind's landscape as they still are now here and there, off and on, depending on the day.
I say all of this because while I was driving around minding my own business the other day, I happened to notice a sign with cigarette prices. My first thought, literally, was "Wow, that works out to $3.32 per pack, which is way cheaper than $4.28 at the grocery store." As if any of that matters or is any of my business at all. I had to laugh and just remember that it's a process, and I'm getting there, but I ain't all the way there quite yet.
And I'm thrilled that I'm not spending all that money along the way, especially since the cost could be going up drastically, depending on how folks vote on Measure 50 in a couple of weeks. You can probably guess how I intend to vote.