I quit smoking 19 weeks ago on June 18th, 2007. Wow. In some ways these weeks have flown by and gotten so very much easier, and in other ways at other times, there are moments when it's not as easy. Even just this past weekend for no good reason I would have loved it if I could have smoked without consequence. I know that's not possible, so still, I remain smoke-free, and I remember that this whole quitting smoking thing is something *I* decided that *I* wanted to do for *me* for a host of very, very good reasons. Those reasons that I decided to take the Chantix path, then made the big leap to flying solo after tapering off Chantix, are the very same reasons that I bother waking up to each day deciding that I'll stay quit, at least Just Until Bedtime (JUB, as I've called it in the past).
It's not that I *can't* have a smoke because I'm being punished, even when it almost feels that way. No, it's a decision I make each time I would love to smoke but don't. If I really wanted to, I could, in fact, have a cigarette, but only in exchange for giving up things I've gained and getting back stuff I don't want. And it's not worth that.
In a quick off the top of my mind nutshell:
ICKY ME AS A SMOKER STUFF I DON'T WANT BACK: coughing through the night and scaring Tom (and the kitties), having to go out in the cold to spend money I don't have on poison, constant fear that cancer is just around the corner (still could be, but I like my chances better now), smelling like
GOOD STUFF SINCE QUITTING THAT I REFUSE TO GIVE BACK: deep breaths all the way to the core (or the Next Level of Lung, as I've also called it), being able to laugh all the way down to my toes without it ending in an embarrassing and painful coughing attack, smelling so damn delicious all the time, feeling like I've accomplished a huge feat and can take on anything (well, many things, anyway), knowing that my cilia (that you all know I love more than is normal) are just loving me back big time, already $400 (modest number that's probably a bit higher) not spent on smoking (even if I'm not sure where it went...), knowing that the next $400 will also not be spent killing myself, generally just knowing that I've made the absolute best decision I could have ever made for my long-term health, kissing and snuggling with Tom without having to make "de-stink" attempts that always failed, so many more reasons
Nope, not worth trading all of the above for poison in my lungs (and entire body, actually). Despite anything my addicted little brain chooses to tell me at certain moments, I'm not being punished by not being "allowed" to just "enjoy" smoking. Turns out that I'm actually being rewarded for an excellent decision that I make over and over and over and over Rover to stay quit now that I've gotten there, and my reasons are simply fabulous and totally true. Proof in the pudding just as I'd hoped and all that. Damn, I've gotten smarter since quitting.