Friday, October 12, 2007

Reminder Note to Self

Today is Smoke-free Day 116.

Dear Silly Ninny Self,

You are so awesome and wonderful in every possible way because you are just brilliant and fabulous like that, and now you aren't stinky, smoky and sidelined over out of the way while sucking poison. Does it get any better than it is to be you?

I know last night brought some tuggings after a day of wishing you'd never smoked so that you wouldn't wish you could have just one without consequence, but, alas, the consequences would be there if you did, and so you didn't, and so you feel won-tacular this morning.

This Friday night and Saturday will be much fun with a Tokyo friend who still smokes like he lives in smoke 'em if you got 'em with less stigma Japan because he does. On a past quit many years ago, in the parking lot of a certain Taco Bell (because he loves Taco Bell and can't find it in Tokyo between vending machine after vending machine of cigarettes, unless that's changed), you managed to smoke a couple with him (your favorite, menthols, no less), and nothing "bad" happened that time. Allow me to remind you, however, that this little experiment occurred much, much further into a quit than just the 116 days of this one and that it was still a very *bad idea* anyway no matter how many days it had been.

Perhaps just before heading out a peek at this reminder of how capable you are of resuming a full blown smoking habit (and at a time about as far into a quit as this time) or another look yet again at the very straightforward and scary and sad and real Thanks, Tobacco: You Killed My Mom video that is not for the faint of heart.

Maybe you will get lucky, and he will no longer even smoke (wonder if they have Chantix in Japan where it was almost impossible to get "the pill" when I lived there a bunch of years ago but now probably is different). Wouldn't that be a kick? If he does still smoke, you will make it through just fine, and it probably won't even be as bad as you think. Seriously, hasn't the rest of this quit been so much better than the typical terrible (aside from than a few little rough patches)? Yes, it has. Now, take a deep breath, hold your head up and know that you don't ever have to slowly kill yourself again in the name of addiction to stinky sticks, even times when it sounds fairly to majorly appealing. Be strong.

Much Love,
Your Serious Self

I'm not promising that I won't breathe in just a little more deeply if we end up in a smoky room, though, if I enjoy the smell (big if, not sure, haven't been in one since quitting). I'm not all the way fixed yet, and I know how nutty that sounds, but I'm just being honest.

6 comments:

  1. *Note to MYself*

    Remind Maggie that she is the coolest strongest person you've "met" in a long time. Check in with her during the visit to make sure she is doing ok. Remind her that we all love her to pieces no matter what happens. Tell her about how you actually wept that horrible Day 8 when you first got a comment from her because you were feeling so lost and alone. Finally, get some international friends in an effort to be remotely as awesome as Maggie.

    :)

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  2. Aw, Tasina, you actually made me do that little teary smile thing. Very sweet. Many thanks. Your support has meant a ton and helped me so much!

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  3. What a fun and quirky letter to yourself! I love your sense of humor and fun.
    You will be fine Maggie, you aren't going to smoke, you are going to find that you don't even want to smoke.
    We are all here rooting for you to come through this smelling like a.......I wanted to say Rose but if you will be around a chain smoker then you will probably smell like an ashtray - LOL.

    Keep it up girl!!

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  4. "I'm not all the way fixed yet"...I love it Maggie, because that is exactly how I feel. I had smoked for over 40 years and without Chantix wouldn't even be close to being a non-smoker today(and I am smoke-free 3 months). I have smoked since I started Chantix but it has tasted like Sh#t. I think I have tried to recapture the "pleasure" of smoking but it "ain't happening", as they say in my neck of the woods, because there is no real pleasure. Maggie, you are the best! I "Check In" every day to see how you're doing and then how evertyone else is doing and say to myself "YEA US!!!!".
    Becky in Tennessee

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  5. Right past whisper to tugging? I'm sorry you are dealing with that. But when I think I am having an issue I remind myself that it's probably not a physical thing, that it's all in my head.

    Hang in there, have a blast with your friend, and have a great weekend!

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  6. MamaFlo, thank you! You are right, I won't smoke!

    Becky, always great to see you and hear that you are still doing awesome and smoke-free. If we keep going, we'll get there!

    Chris, yep, past whispers into tugging, but still not terrible. You are right that it's in my mind - my body doesn't actually physically need to smoke even if my silly head sometimes forgets and gets all confused. Great reminder.

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