I almost feel like I should put a little string around my finger so that I don't forget because I keep forgetting an awful lot of stuff.
I have my Calico Bean Soup Mix ready to go so that I can actually try the Calico Bean Soup Recipe it makes and so that I can both use up the ham bone from Thanksgiving while also testing out a potential gift jar before I give it, but I can't seem to remember to soak the beans overnight. Yes, I know I can boil them, remove from heat, let sit an hour instead, but doing all that after work means we won't eat until way too late, and I'm a hungry girl from way back early in the typical day. Hopefully tonight I'll remember so that we can have it tomorrow, and tonight we will have what we call "fend" for dinner. Again.
That's not what I'm really trying to remember anyway. What I'm really trying to remember is that even if the blasted tuggings (as I call them) continue to be particularly irritating yet again today, it's still so very worth it to continue on my smoke-free little path. I need to remember that...
- heart disease is a real issue in my family and that it would be ridiculous for me to think I'd have dodged that bullet if I'd continued smoking. I never cared about that kind of thing until I hit 35, and now I suddenly understand that health issues are real, as in they could happen to *me*. Let's not even talk about cancer or the host of other forms of Very Bad Things that Smokers Get.
- now I laugh whenever I want, as hard as I want, for as long as I want, until I pee my pants if I want (no, usually I don't want), but I no longer end up ruining my own fun or feeling embarrassed by it ending in a huge and horrible coughing fit (sometimes with chunks and other gross lung stuff - sorry, keeping it real and really trying to remember).
- sometimes Tom laughs at me and asks me what the heck I'm doing, and it turns out that I have a handful of hair in my hands pulled down over my nose just because it smells so damn good and not disgusting smoky like how it used to stink.
- even when there are days, that apparently can come in strings of several days, when it feels kind of hard again because I feel those damn tuggings, these rough patches are temporary. They do go away. I know they do. They have before.
- it will be far easier for me to stay quit as I am than it would be for me to quit all over again from scratch (that said, a little stumble like I had awhile back did not mean I was starting from scratch, so if you do happen to hit a bump, bouncing back onto the path quickly should still be easier than starting over entirely). Besides, as much as Chantix helped (lots, thank you very much), I don't miss the nausea thing I had going on at the end.
- this is my journey, and I am where I am, good, bad, indifferent, other. Sometimes I feel silly at 5+ months whining about tuggings (maybe almost urges, almost), but that's where I am. I don't dwell, but I also don't ignore or pretend.
- overall, for about 10,387 other reasons not mentioned, I actually am *happy* that I quit smoking, even when I don't remember that right first off the top of my mind. This is why I needed my little finger stringer thinger today.