Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Why

Today is Smoke-free Day 162.

Over this past weekend I mentioned that some decent sized tuggings were back with some frequency (not as strong as urges, definitely nothing so bad as an actual craving), and after considering a very good question in comments (this is why I *love* all of my fellow Chantix bloggers), I got wondering, too, why the sudden onset?

Truthfully, it could be completely random because some days are just like that, but I have a theory. I've always been more prone to missing smoking on weekends. In fact, I blogged about the whole weekend thing just last month and plenty of those weekends at the start (yep, my same recycled links). It was all related to my sense of the weekend being "me time" and how smoking was a "me thing" (ain't that the truth, in my case to the point of selfish even). Given that little twist in my mind, I would bet that the thought of it being not just a weekend but a FOUR DAY WEEKEND (I can't begin to express how much I love a weekend that long, tears in my eyes from the joy in my heart) was just too much for the old addict that still lives within me to contemplate, and so the normal weekend urges that have recently been not so noticeable were amplified and multiplied times four and then some. And you all know what happens in Maggie Math. That's my most likely theory, anyway, and if we all get our own set of favorite triggers when we sign up to quit smoking, I got the weekend trigger in spades (coupled with the drunken smoky situations into which I still don't venture since I fell out of my tree).

Still, I made it through the weekend, and as strong as a few of the tuggings were and as frequently as they came sometimes (and when I posted on Saturday morning that I was back to normal, they just hadn't come back yet), I did not smoke, and I am not pissed off that I couldn't/didn't.

Yes, overall this non-smoking journey has gotten a million times easier than the day I swallowed my first Chantix scared I might fail again, easier than the first days of deep breaths and plenty of water in order to both not smoke and not go completely nuts (er, nuttier), easier, really, overall, than most of the days already behind me along my path. I promise anyone reading along at the start of the journey that there really are so very many not tough days in between the harder ones, but I will be honest that for me it still isn't easy every single day just yet.

I remind myself again that while I'm over 5 months quit, I smoked for 20+ years. Daily. Every hour or two. Of each of those days. Oh, and I *loved* smoking, and even the Chantix didn't make my cigarettes taste bad like it did for lots of folks (maybe because they were menthols?) (though it made me feel nauseous enough while smoking to not want to smoke so much). That I don't smoke or even want to much of the time, considering all that, is actually pretty damn cool, in my own not humble opinion. And it's probably still within the realm of complete normal that I'm not "over it" just yet, too. We each take our own paths to get where we are going, and I know that I am well on my way if I keep going and that it really will continue to get easier overall, and I say bring on more long weekends! The tuggings weren't bad enough for me to not want four days off work. Not even remotely close to bad enough. Matter of fact, is it Friday yet?

5 comments:

  1. Maggie Math...where everything is exponential. :)

    Here's to our health! *clink*

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  2. Amen to is it Friday yet! I think the tuggings are a reminder of the addicts we are or were and how ingrained our behavior was. We've come a long way, huh?

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  3. Maggie Math is a scary thing, Nathan ;) Yes, we are doing it!

    Chris, I love that you love Fridays as much as me, and I think you are completely right about the ingrained behavior.

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  4. Gotta love the Maggie Math and always love the TGIFs. I've noticed I experience a slight anxiety at times, it is usually associated with an odd feeling just under my breast bone. Like an ache or desire to inhale smoke, thank goodness it's brief. I push past it as quickly as I can. Funny how these things happen out of the blue, too.

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