Saturday, December 08, 2007

The Gain

Today is Smoke-free Day 173.

I've said all of what I'm about to say probably more coherently back in my previous post, but I am gaining weight since quitting smoking and quitting Chantix at the end of the 12 recommended weeks (well, a bit longer since I tapered off), and I'm really not thrilled about it. I'm a couple of pounds away from my heaviest ever, and I've always been one of those teeny tiny people who never worried too much about my weight (don't hate), so for me, this is kind of a scary thing. Years ago when I would try quitting smoking, I gained nothing because I was a toothpick with incredible metabolism that loved to eat but always had leftovers. Then, a few years back, I quit smoking and gained weight to the heaviest point I just mentioned. I started smoking again, and the pounds melted away, and it was an excuse to continue smoking (a stupid, dumb, very bad idea kind of excuse, but it was one of many lies I told myself every time I sucked poison). Then I quit again, gained weight again, started smoking again, and the pounds only went away a little but not nearly as dramatically. I've lost track of how many times I've been down this road, but I do know that smoking no longer holds quite the same weight loss magic for me that it apparently did at younger points in my life, and I don't leave as much for leftovers.

I hesitate to even post this because it sounds so superficial and whiny (and honestly, believe it or don't, sometimes people can be assholes to skinnier people - there, I said it), but this is what's real for me and what really is on my mind. My old solution of just taking up smoking again isn't an option this time. Not only did I thankfully learn already that it doesn't work that way for me anymore, but I also wouldn't be willing to make that trade I used to make so freely anymore. It was cute for as long as I did it and while it worked, but I'm getting too old to play stupid and dangerous games with my health.

So, I won't be smoking, but I will still be walking once or twice a weekday (weather permitting, and in Oregon it doesn't always permit), and I will make some attempt at not eating too much of the stuff I love (well, except that tonight is a yummy sounding but not low calorie Clam Chowder, with Mini Ham & Cheese Sandwiches). I may need to consider being more proactive if smaller portions don't do it, but I will probably be more likely to add a bit more exercise than I will to start deleting favorite foods from my diet entirely. That's just me.

It's Friday. I'm a happy girl, and no matter what that silly scale said, I rejoice that I can breathe, and I still smell absolutely delicious.

7 comments:

  1. *hatin' on the skinny girl*

    I'm a fatty. Have been for a few years now. I've been wanting to do something about if for a while, but now am really committed to it. I figure that if I can quit smoking, I can lose some of this weight that's just as deadly to me. The injury has derailed my exercise plans, so we're planning some diet changes (after the holidays - of course!!). My goal is to look more human for my 20 year HS reunion...I have 2 1/2 years to work on this. I figure I didn't get this way overnight so it's also not going to go away overnight.

    Why can't things just be easy. Bleh.

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  2. Yep, easy would be welcome. I'd be content if I stayed right where I am now, but watching the gain continue is just... scary. As you said, though, if we can quit smoking, we can do almost anything.

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  3. When I was 27 years old I weighed 117 pounds and had a 27-inch waist.

    I just turned 47 last week and now weigh 160 pounds and my waist is a 34.

    I am hoping to maintain the 160 pounds, because IMHO, I look better at 160 than at 117. I haven't noticed any weight gain (yet) since quitting.

    I also think our society has an evil double standard. So many people (family, friends, co-workers) tell me how much better I look at my current weight. However, if I were a girl (woman - sorry), they would not say that, even though I think 117 pounds on a 5'9" frame is WAY too skinny. If I were female, people would think I was fat because I gained 43 pounds in 20 years. It's really not fair. I give Jennifer Love Hewitt a lot of credit for publicly denouncing the media for putting so much pressure on women to be skinny. I know this is turning into a rant, so I'll stop! LOL Have a great weekend!

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  4. I gained weight too, but I still think I'm better off as a non smoker!

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  5. Bob, I do agree that going from too skinny back in high school to closer to "normal" a few years back was a good thing. In fact, I welcomed the weight. If I stay where I am right now, it wouldn't be an all bad thing, but I'm just really concerned that it won't stop here unless I start being more proactive. I agree that society has some interesting thoughts on weight.

    Jientje, thank you. I agree quitting smoking has to be way better for me, even with the extra pounds.

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  6. Hey Maggie :D

    If you were like I am you probably could afford to gain some weight..

    I just hope all mine goes to the right spots.. my butt.. boobs *lol*

    I usually stayed between 110 and 115.. I'm up to 121 now.. don't want to go no higher than 125 I can live with that. If it goes above and beyond.. I'll be finding a gym to work out in.. but I'm only 5'2 so you can imagine I can't afford to gain too much :)

    I'd rather gain a few poundage than lose a few years of life :)

    Hang in there :)

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  7. Babs, exactly - I'm 5'2", and your weight describes exactly where I was. Once I hit 125, I was content, but it did not stop...

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Talk to me.