Friday, January 18, 2008

Thursday Thirteen 1/17/08

Today is Smoke-free Day 214. OK, I'll play. Thursday Thirteen. Of course, my first Thursday has to be related to not smoking because that's how I am ever since the whole Chantix and not smoking thing.

Thirteen Things I Can Do with My New Pink Lungs:

1. Breathe. Just breathe. A deep breath into the next level of lung can be so very refreshing, no matter what the menthol cigarette people would have you believe.

2. Yell at people with vigor and at length. Just because I can. I don't do this often enough.

3. Run. Stamina and lung capacity were foreign concepts to me until now. Now if the jackass doctors would take me seriously about my leg so that I could actually do this more than once every 3 weeks, we'd be golden. For now, I just walk fast. If someone chases me or puts a latte at the end of the block, I like knowing that lung-wise, I can run.

4. Sing in my car. At the top of my lungs. Boldly choose anthems, even, and blog about them because I have a flair for the dramatic like that and know how to properly emote when sringing (new word from that second post - screaming + singing = scringing).

5. Yawn. So. Very. Deeply. When. Bored. (Or. Annoyed.) I yawn a lot.

6. Blow out a bucket load of candles on a cake, which may come in handy now that my life expectancy has probably gone up. Considerably. Actually picturing myself at 108 isn't so pretty, so I'll not think about that but just about blowing the ass out of those candles (yes, my candles will have asses because I'll be too old for anyone to tell me "no").

7. Breathe normally next to someone and not have to watch said person about keel over from smoke stench that I now know (because smokers have the audacity to breathe around me) smelled far worse than I ever wanted to believe. No, I'm not becoming one of those kind of condescending non-smokers, but I do have a God-like (or Santa-like?) nose that knows all about whether you've been smoking or not (not so much on the whether you've been bad or good - currently working on this power, so please stay tuned).

8. Work on perfecting my karaoke voice (this is markedly different from singing in the car, above, because there is no screaming in karaoke) and possibly expand my range beyond some of the raspy stuff I do (and do well, I might add...). American Idol is safe from my too old for the show and not enough talent anyway ass, but I'm not afraid to sing in front of a crowd and make you believe I'm good at it. Sober, even. If necessary.

9. Do the exasperated sigh when bored or annoyed with so much more feeling behind it. After I've yawned deeply, of course.

10. Go up the stairs without getting out of breath. OK, I lied. They still make me feel all breathless, like Tom does. Maybe someday.

11. Blow up hundreds of party balloons without stopping. Well, I'm speculating that I can, anyway, in case something happens to my day job. It's good to have options and talent where previously there were none. If not, I'll blow out the candles. Or something.

12. Tell people stuff without running out of breath. Trust me, I have *lots* to say about lots of stuff. Not that you asked. That's OK, you don't have to ask.

13. Laugh. All the way. No holding back. Tears running down my cheeks, stomach clenched and face contorted style of laughter. This replaces the coughing fits that made it too agonizing and embarrassing to really get a good laugh going.

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Yes, life is good. Very good.


  1. I like number 11. I can't tell you how many times I almost passed out trying blow up balloons or inflatable swim toys or whatever for the boys. No more!!!

  2. You're doing good with your smoke-free days, keep it up!! Great TT, very inspiring. I look forward to reading more!

  3. Great job! I love having my new smoke free lungs too. Happy TT!

  4. Maggie, how do you think of all this stuff? I like number seven. I was also in complete denial about how bad my breath and clothing smelled. I also don't want to be one of those intolerant ex-smokers who becomes holier-than-thou! Hopefuuly, I will never forget that I was a hard cold slave to big tobacco!

  5. What are you talking about? We're going to be freaking HOT at 108 BECAUSE we're nonsmokers now!!! Wrinkles and leather skin be damned.

  6. Brilliant! I gave up smoking 18 years ago and I still feel overjoyed that I did.


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