Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Weight Stuff Non-smoker Style (rant-ish)

Today is Smoke-free Day 211.

One would really think with all my good walking and good eating (good meaning healthier) I'd maybe lose half a pound over the past week instead of weighing the *exact* same amount as I did this time last week. I've never really had to watch what I eat, and I still refuse to actually "diet," but I am trying to really add lots of healthier foods (fruits, vegetables, even grilled fish for goodness sake). I have much to learn, and this was one of the few things that was easier as a smoker (not that it was healthier, mind you, just sayin', is all, as Bay would say).

Losing a Pound or 15 to 20 as Smoker Me:
Quit smoking briefly. Gain 15 to 20 pounds. Cry. Hard. Be bewildered. Find an excuse to smoke, typically involving alcohol, even better in a casino, promise myself I'll quit as soon as I get home from the lure of the smoky and drinky casinos but don't, and voila, I'm back to my normal "Maggie weight" within a month or three. Go, me!

Losing a Pound or 15 to 20 as Non-smoker Me:
Quit smoking briefly (OK, this time almost 7 months). Gain 15 to 20 pounds (the last 10 pounds or so of it after going off the Chantix, I think). Cry. Hard. Be bewildered. Be unable to justify taking up smoking again as a solution to any problem, extra pounds included. Realize that I might have to actually eat better than the attempts that still involved Taco Bell a few nights a week. Continue the walking thing that I started when I quit smoking, even adding a little jog to it once every three weeks or so and be amazed at my lung function and stamina as a non-smoker but be unable to continue because something is wrong with my ankle or leg or something over there in that lower right quadrant of my body that I can't get the doctors to take seriously (asshats - different topic, different day). Eat relatively healthy most of the week, including such items as broccoli, tilapia, tomatoes, lean beef, several green peppers, flax seed (whole), flax seed (ground), tomatillos, cilantro, barley, oatmeal, mango, bananas, and other things that seem healthy, some of which weren't even in my vocabulary a month ago. Try not to say the D word because it's not really a "diet" but a wonderful and healthy new way of life and blah, blah. Try not to worry too much about it but yet (because I am me, and we know how I are, or whatever) track *everything* on FitDay (after calculating recipes in other places just to be certain) to even get a general idea of how many calories and fat and fiber and carbs and sodium (blood pressure issue) I'm even getting because I've never been on a diet eating healthier as a way of life thing before and am clueless. Attempt to eat reasonable portions throughout but have a little more after waiting awhile to confirm that yes, I still am hungry, dammit. Know that because I still look fairly thin on the outside nobody but me cares that my ass and stomach are bigger and that while I'd truthfully be content at this weight forever, I am more scared than ever that if these 15 pounds happened so easily, so might the next 15 and the next 15, and at the rate I'm going, I can't even lose half a pound over an entire week now that smoking as a form of weight reduction and/or maintenance is no longer an option. Feel discouraged at the end of the first non-productive week of eating better, but also feel a determined resolve to figure out what I need to do differently (likely fewer calories - the "guidelines" have always been too high my whole life because I am very - shut up - small boned - and likely, too, more exercise than just walking - build a little muscle and all that jazz). Continue reminding myself that me with 15 (or 20) more pounds on my frame but walking and eating broccoli regularly is still so much better for my body than me 20 pounds lighter sucking poison into my lungs as I drive away from the drive-thru window with a day's worth of not good for me all in one meal's bag. Trying to do this doing better thing is worth it. It's annoying, it's frustrating, it's confusing, it's aggravating, even bewildering this crazy week, but if I persevere I will figure out what works for me, and to that end, the effort is all. so. very. worth. it.

At least my blood pressure is scoring much lower to the point that it doesn't even look dangerous anymore. Go reduced sodium living! (and probably also due in part to less stress compared to my hell weeks and previous funk now that people around me aren't being such jackasses - for the record, this did not ever include Tom or the kitties - who are people, too, ya know).

6 comments:

  1. Still hatin' on the skinny girl. --->

    Actually, I read "asshats" and just giggled through the rest of it and paid very little attention. "Asshats" I'm stealing that.

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  2. You're a kid Maggie, a kid. You look terrific on the outside and you're a friend to everyone - try to give yourself a break.

    The more you think about food or weight, the more you will eat and weigh. It's the Law of Attraction.
    Stop thinking about food and weight.

    Regardless Maggie, you aren't smoking anymore and you are healthier.

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  3. I'm like you, I've never "dieted"... I just pay attention to what I eat. Don't worry so much right now! My normal weight fluctuates by a couple pounds at any given time.

    You are probably just a bit bloated at the moment, or retaining water. Give it another week and try the scale thing again. And don't forget to drink LOTS of water.

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  4. Tasina, I totally stole asshats from Tom... ;)

    MamaFlo, thank you, always. Yes, definitely healthier.

    Brandie, yep, water is a very good thing. I'll keep hanging in there and see how it goes.

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  5. I've been working out for two weeks and it hasn't helped yet. Maybe it has something to do with the pan of brownies sitting on my counter. Ha.

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