Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Paranoid Android Still Doesn't Smoke

Today is smoke-free day 253, and until Tom is all safely arrived and off of roads that sometimes have ice and snow and blowing snow and mountain passes and other stuff, I'm in kind of a different place in my head and not really even keeping up with all my favorite blogs as well as usual. I spend free moments checking road reports, keeping track of his trip and telling myself he'll be just fine because the paranoid android part of me worries entirely too much because I am madly in love with that man out there driving through the wild blue and sometimes snowy yonder...

This part is a little stressful, and the thought of smoking has popped into my head more times since yesterday morning than it usually does in an entire week, but then I feel so very glad knowing that the thoughts will pass quickly and that this will still be a bazillion times easier than the first days and weeks and months. A piece of cake compared to then, actually. So, my silly mind can conjure up whatever thoughts, still run to the first "go to" feel good thing that used to work before I'd even heard of Chantix and smoked my way through the stresses of life, but today I'll just take another deep breath, content that a deep breath is a healthier "go to" feel good thing that my brain just hasn't completely figured out so automatically. I've said it before, but it's true: I smoked for 20+ years, and I'm only 253 days quit, so I have no complaints that my mind is still adjusting, and I'm content with where I am, even having these thoughts sneak in sometimes because it makes perfect sense to me that it's not an overnight process (or even a 253 day process, apparently).

Now that I'm content with that aspect, I wonder how the highway is looking near milepost hurry up and get there safely but soon...


  1. I hope your husband gets home safe, sound, and soon! I'm certain the stress is making you think about all kinds of things you normally wouldn't think about but stay the course and post to us if you need to but don't light up!

  2. Oh my God Maggie...over 250 days! That is a miracle! I am close to 120 days and still have problems dealing with stress! I was thinking that I needed a cigarette earlier....It was a thought but not an action. Hopefully, being worried about your loved one is a thought not an action! I think I know the difference! For me stress required me to take action! Light up, get mad, whatever worked. Now I try to think things out. Feel better.

  3. You're so funny - I'm just the same way. Checking road reports, weather forecasts, odds of imminent psychotic wolverine attack...you name it, I'm prepared. So proud of your quit days. You rock Miss M!! :)

  4. I'm proud of ya Maggie and I'm sure he will arrive at destination safely. Just know we are here for ya

  5. When my husband went to Kuwait for a couple months last year, I didn't hear from him for about a week. I think my kids would tell you I was pretty hard to live with that week.

    And I am very impressed with your 250 days! Woot!

  6. Thank you, all, really. So glad that part's over and that smoking never even approached real option status.

    Julie, you are a good and strong woman. My "apartness" is small scale compared to that kind of distance and circumstance.


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