Do you people realize that I quit smoking just over 9 months ago? Yep. June 18, 2007. Time flies, days string together, pinker lungs fill with fresher air, and my body continues to heal (fingers still crossed that I stopped in time to dodge some long-term consequences - only time will tell). By now, in theory, I've regained 10% lung capacity. In just a few months, my risk of heart attack should be dropped by half. I used to either not care or pretend that I didn't care about any of this health "stuff." I care. I want to live to be an old woman (an old and crotchety kind of woman that tells it how it is and generally just gets my way because it's easier than arguing with me. ahhh. ).
It's been quite the ride since mid-June, some days easier, some days not as easy (peaks, valleys, un-straight lines), but overall all headed towards happier, healthier, stronger, bolder, more empowered and confident (this is almost scary - I could take on the world - heaven help us), and I'm grateful. Lots of people who were doing the Chantix thing and blogging along with me back at the start have rightfully gotten on with their lives and moved past feeling like they need to constantly talk about it, and that's excellent (different people, different paths). Someday I'll get there. I know how I am, though. I have a historic pattern of bullshitting myself and taking up smoking again when I'm not keeping it somewhere near the front of my mind and holding myself accountable and remembering to remember things like the difference in just how one deep breath feels now versus then (excellent!, if you wonder). Blogging has given me an outlet for contemplating and reminding myself of these reasons to stay quit, while also allowing me to meet lots of cool people, some of whom are also on the same used-to-be-a-smoker-now-ain't journey. To those who have ever commented on my blog or ever written one entry on your own blog that I've read about this whole not smoking thing, you have inspired me. I mean that sincerely. Thank you.
This is all still just a day at a time for me because, honestly? No, forever still sounds like a long ass time not to smoke. It just does. I'm being honest. Again, maybe others are different, and I applaud you. I know how I am. And this is how I am. And I'm perfectly content 112% with me and how I am. I still have moments when I'd love to smoke without consequence (though fewer and much further between and *so* much more easily dismissed), but I know that the toughest part of the battle is behind me, and that fills me with delight. This is still almost easy, and that still remains to be more than plenty.
The other milestone that I can't help but mention is that today marks one full month since the start of "the apartness," and I'd like to report that absence truly does make the heart grow fonder. No, we still don't know how much longer. At least a few more months, and then probably another few more beyond those, if I had to guess. All subject to change, of course, to keep things interesting. Thankfully we live in an age of text messaging, blogging, email, unlimited long distance phone calls and flat rate mailing on heavy care packages in case I need to mail silly stuff that normal people simply wouldn't bother to mail. Being a complete silly nut keeps my mind off smoking and makes me smile (Tom, too, I hope).