Tuesday, April 08, 2008

What Happened Next

Today is smoke-free day 295. It seems so strange to me that even as recently as last night, I got that weird feeling I used to get when it was time for me to need to smoke. No good reason. It's like this odd sensation in the lungs, sort of like they are leaving my body and reaching out and around the corner almost like a longing kind of feeling.

In the past, back in the good old bad days I'd just go smoke. Simple. Easy. Almost brilliant. Except for the whole killing myself by sucking poison, smelling like ass, going broke, standing alone outside in the rain while the "in crowd" of our society stood, um, inside.

Then, when I was more newly quit, I'd take deep breaths, drink water, hope the Chantix would make it pass more quickly and remind myself that cravings (or what I called urges, tuggings or whispers as they, mercifully, decrease in intensity) rarely last any longer than 5 minutes. Totally true, the 5 minute thing (even when 5 minutes seems like 5 years, but that's a different issue).

Now? That sneaky little feeling came, barely more than a last wish dying whisper in strength, and what happened next still amazes me, even now.

Nothing much happened, that's what.

I took one deepish breath (but not the extreme "Oh hell sandwiches on buttered toast breathe, water, cry, curse, water, hate this, breathe even deeper until I screw up my breathing and start to hyperventilate" kind of a deep breath).

Just one deepish breath. All better. Longing feeling forgotten, even, until I started thinking about how far I've come since back in the day, and all I've had to do is just not smoke, one little day at a trite little time while the days string together, my body continues healing and my lungs become almost amusingly easily distracted (like the rest of me lately).

7 comments:

  1. I'm so glad that you aren't smoking! You have been an inspiration for so many of us, given us the courage to face the hard fact that we just can't smoke anymore. I thank you for that Maggie!!!!!

    You'll make it, I know you will, I hear it in every post you write.

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  2. I had a weird moment this weekend while watching a movie. It wasn't so much that I wanted the actualy cigarette....I just wanted something to do with my hands and to pace and talk and smoke all at the same time. You know?

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  3. I had my first backyard bonfire with the neighbors while drinking night since quitting. I got through it, but it would have been very hard if someone had been there smoking. Luckily, our friends don't smoke. Congrats to all of us.

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  4. I wish everyone could get over the urge in one breath! I'm so happy that you are not a smoker!

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  5. Awesome!!! I'm so glad that's it's becomming easy to be a non-smoker.

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  6. I can so relate...sometimes the urges just sneak up on you, just because! I don't want to be that person standing outside "sucking poison and going broke!" Now that I have some time off nicotine, I know its only addictive as I let it be! I was at a conference all weekend and I REALLY wanted to smoke to have something to do during breaks. I walked by one of the people from that organization that I smoked with the previous year and he stunk! I was instantly grateful that I managed to quit. I mentioned Chantix when he asked about my quitting. He told me he was trying some method in a book and if that didn't work, he would consider the Chantix. You have DEFINETLY contributed to my quitting so following your journey to almost 300 days is awesome.
    Peace,
    Diva

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