Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Today is smoke-free day 324. Today Heads or Tails today is all about HEADS - Mother. I could easily have said nothing instead of coming off as just totally depressing beyond what's necessary. I could have chosen not to do my annual wallowing right here in public, and perhaps that would have been a better decision. But I try to be real, and the truth is that this one word, Mother, has impacted my life and shaped who I am today perhaps more than any other single word. When I saw it, I couldn't bring myself to say nothing. Perhaps this is inappropriate and too heavy, but this is my blog, and this is me. I do love to entertain, but I do not love to pretend. Chicken shit disclaimer done, onto my take on the theme.
I would give my eye teeth
to be thoroughly annoyed
with my mother over something
I would give my left ear (and my everything)
to be kept awake all night long
by a toddler whining incessantly over something
I would give my whole heart
to have a mother, a child
(boy, girl, cute, ugly, don't care)
instead of filling the gaping void with something
From nothing, going nowhere.
A sad and self-pitying mantra.
How I'd give anything for either to be
I like to pretend that somewhere
my mom looks after the baby
whose mom I almost got to be,
but without real belief anymore, that, too, is (almost)
Most days of the year I won't go here
into the great big wallow
because it's whiny and unattractive, though not entirely
Still, I allow myself a day or three
dictated by the strictarian calendar
to hurt badly as long as I keep perspective
that all else that is good* is not
*P.S. There is a lot of the "all else" that is truly good.