Friday, June 27, 2008

Haiku Friday 6/27/08 Melancholy Edition

Haiku Friday
俳句の金曜日

When I close my eyes
the stark reality fades,
and I can pretend.

But hoping scares me,
and so I draw two pink lines
that I will not cross.

Dreaming is one thing.
Hoping maybe? Another.
The world's too goofy.

Not reading my chart (?),
a new doctor scolded me;
she freaked out as if...

...infertility
is not good contraception.
"What if it happened?"

What if it happened?
(What if it fucking happened?!?!)
Was she kidding me?

And so I snapped back:
I snapped back from my dream, and
I snapped back at her.

First, I'd weep with joy,
and I'd rearrange my life
in one wee heartbeat.

No more free time? Done.
Kid expenses to pay? K.
Hardest job? Bring. It.

I closed my eyes there,
pretending but not hoping,
aching that I could...

...but hoping scares me,
and so I draw two pink lines
that I will not cross.

29 comments:

  1. maggie, how hard it is to try not to hope for something that you really hope happens. wonderful haiku!!

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  2. Beautiful. When you least expect it is when it happens.

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  3. Oh Maggie.

    I will hope right along with you...for you.

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  4. oh beautiful. beautiful beautiful beautiful haiku. you make me want to hug you right here.

    there was a time in my life when i did a lot of hoping too. the try not to kind. for a very long time.
    xo

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  5. I know you would be a great mother, and someday you will. ((HUGS)) Much love to you, my friend.

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  6. Hi -- I just found you via Haiku Friday. What a powerful haiku, and I wanted to say that I am feeling for you!

    I also poked around the rest of your blog. I enjoyed "meeting" you!

    Wishing you many blessings,
    Stacy

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  7. being a nearly new parent with a woman who never thought about children until it happened, I think I can see the pink lines myself.

    great work, I'd show it to Mommy, but I think she'd cry too long.

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  8. Maybe someday, you never know.
    Sometimes it seems trite to say, but if it's meant to be, it will be.
    if not, you have kitties!

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  9. I’ll add my prayers to your hopes & dreams …
    Hugs and blessings,

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  10. Would you ever think about adoption? You seem like you would be one great mom.....I can't have kids myself and never really wanted to do it with the whole "lifestyle factor" against me. If God ever puts one in my life to adopt or I meet a partner with kids, I am totally open to it.
    Peace,
    Diva

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  11. I hope things work out for you the way you want them to some day. And totally off topic: I love your design here! Lovely.

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  12. Gorgeous poetry. I'll be hoping for those lines for you.

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  13. That doctor just makes me mad! I hope you get a new one.

    You know I feel so bad for you, and I'm truely sorry that's what you have to live with from day to day. But the hope is always there, isn't it? It never quite goes away.

    Just remember that there is a reason for everything that gets thrown at you in life. It's so very very hard to reassure oneself of that when you're in the midst of pain, but try to keep it in mind. Whatever happens will work out for the best in the long run.

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  14. You sure are a poet, Maggie. I'm hoping for you. :)

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  15. Beautiful Maggie.
    Just believe that your creator has something spectacular in store for you and your life.

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  16. Beautifully powerful. Great haiku!

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  17. I remember seeing the pink lines for months and never thinking it would happen, but it finally did. Your poem really brought me back to that frustrating/exciting time.

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  18. Your haiku was so well-written and made me share in your melancholy. I had fertility problems also. I hope someday you'll get what you long for.

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  19. I wish I could come up with something uplifting...damn I am crap outta ideas today.

    How 'bout we rename this Melancholy Friday?

    (((Hugs)))

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  20. Very many thank you's to all who have commented so far. I know it's hard to comment on a post like this, but you did, and I think that's awesome.

    For the record, I'm not currently trying - Tom and I are still living in different states, and in our case it's very definite (as in removed parts definite) that either medical intervention or adoption will be required for us to have kids, either of which I just hope we will someday be able to afford to do. Most days, I've made my peace with the idea that I may very well be childless forever, and, in fact, this is most likely, but I still drift into the dream once in awhile and wish. This is why, though, I don't dare hope.

    Anyway, I just wanted to toss that out there in answer to some questions, and really, I expected something like zero comments this Friday because it's scary to comment on stuff like this, but my heart is touched that you did. Thank you.

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  21. Oh Maggie *hugs*. Such a beautiful Haiku. I've been there... I remember it all too well.

    I'll hope along with you.

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  22. Read you on Plurk . . . had to come over. Wow. This truly is honest. I've been there . . . right there with you.

    In my 30s and here this little guy came stumbling in . . . it does happen. I'm proof as so many others are.

    With words like those, it is meant to happen for you.

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  23. wow, well written 'ku! i'm hoping for you.

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  24. Oh sweetie, NOW I understand what you were saying about Haiku.

    Smootches sweetie.

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  25. Wow. Just, wow. Thanks for sharing with us. :-)

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