Today is smoke-free day 391, and it's been a harder earned week, but I'm hanging tough, one day at a time.
I Can't Breathe.
Since last weekend I've been experiencing a bit of a rough patch with thoughts about smoking creeping in and annoying me more frequently and with a stronger sense of urgency, and I'll be glad when I get back to the new normal where that's not the case. It actually got bad enough that I am experiencing that odd suffocating feeling like an interrupted yawn kind of thing that I'd experienced on past quits and this time only when I was mostly off of Chantix (and not related to Chantix) where the best I can theorize, my deep breaths to combat the urges become so intense that I set up a panic situation and can't catch my breath. This had largely gone away, and I'm not thrilled to see it back. Thankfully, so far, the heart flutteries have not returned with it, so I'm more convinced that those were probably psychological as well.
(If you are just finding my blog and at the start of your journey with quitting smoking, pleasedo not be discouraged, and please know that most other days are not at all as tough as these have been. There are ups and downs, and my days have been mostly up.)
I Believe That You Believe.
Some of my issues above are probably related to some stressful recent hurdles related to "the apartness," and this would be an excellent time for prayer. Problem is, without getting too deeply into it on here or inviting conversations I'm not in the mood to have, I no longer believe, so I no longer actually pray (and when I did, it was my own brand of prayer anyway). Oddly enough, though, I do believe that you believe and that maybe your prayers have power. Or maybe they don't. But prayers and/or good thoughts certainly can't hurt (right?), and it just feels like some kind of Divine Intervention is needed for things to fall neatly into place because I'm kind of in conundrum and missing Tom now more than ever. Do with that or don't do with it as you wish (just please no preaching to me because my head and heart already kind of hurt, and that's not really the kind of help that would, um, help right now).