Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Honestly?

Today is smoke-free day 428, and honestly? Honestly I wondered. I really, really wondered if I would not slip just a bit while having someone staying with me who smoked and also smoked what used to be my favorite brand. Once or twice, like just after my little panic meltdowns at each landing of the see-through metal grating stairs coming down from the scary-ish (but awesome!) lighthouse or driving across the big Megler-Astoria bridge, I really almost asked to bum a cigarette. But honestly? I didn't. I didn't partly because I really gave it some thought only to find that I didn't really physically want one after all outside of the old idea of smoking, partly because it's not the example I wanted to set for my nephew from whom I considered bumming a cigarette (and who already smokes the brand I used to smoke, a fact not lost on me, if you'd like the rest of the honest truth), partly because I'd feel the need to mention it here and to my Chantix bloggy quit buddies, partly because it still smells bad (sorry, but it does), partly because of a million reasons.

It's still just one day at a time here because that's where I happen to be, and I'm cool with it because it's still working.

17 comments:

  1. I didn't know that your nephew smoked and your brand at that! I am glad you didn't pick up. One, because even if your younger than me, you seem like the denmother of the Chantix quitters. Second, I wouldn't wish that addiction on ANYONE! Your right, not only does it smell but its expensive and shortens your life! Today I was REALLY feeling grateful that I was no longer a smoker. I jogged for the first time since 1994 and I could not imagine going outside for a cigarette afterward. I keep doing it one day at a time too even though I don't know how many days exactly. Hope your having a great vacation.
    Peace,
    Diva

    ReplyDelete
  2. Good for you Maggie! The biggest reason I don't light up (sorry to say it isn't to save my health) is because I don't want to start this quit all over again. I wish I could be the occasional smoker, the one that smokes only while on vacation, or at a bar with friends, or only after a meal...........but alas it's not me, I'm the smoke one and it's a pack again.
    Enough said.
    I'm glad you made it through Maggie.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Good for you!

    I'm a recent quitter myself, and I, like mamaflo, wish I could be an occasional smoker. But honestly, about a month after quitting, I broke down once - and it tasted like CRAP. Put it out after one drag. Of course, my friend said it was probably only because it was a leftover cig in the open pack in my car from when I quit smoking. I told her NO - it would have tasted just as nasty if I had bought a brand new pack! That half empty pack is STILL in my car. I keep it there on purpose - and I refuse to open it again, no matter how stressed I get sometimes!

    ReplyDelete
  4. You are awesome. I can't even say that enough. Good for you for staying strong!

    ReplyDelete
  5. well done! i admire your determination. and honesty here. keep it up. nothing worse than starting at day 1 again, huh?!?!?

    ReplyDelete
  6. I definitely understand how you feel. Sometimes it really is just "okay, I won't have a cigarette now...or now...or now..." all day long.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Good for you, Maggie! I'm surprised you let him smoke while visiting you anyway. Good manners would be to not smoke in front of the person who quit.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Good. Very, Very good. Now all you have to do is realize that the smoking thing, at this point, is all in your head.

    The idea, now, is to forget about it. Because it doesn't matter anymore. You don't NEED it anymore. It needs YOU. It, being your once and former addiction.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are doing such a great job! And such a good example for your nephew! :)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Good for you! I didn't mention this on my blog, but my brother moved in with me back in April, and he smokes. It was hard for a while, and still is at times. But when I really thought deep down about it, I was glad that it still wasn't me heading out for that smoke.

    I'm so proud of you!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Good job staying strong Maggie. I know how tough it can be when someone smokes around you, especially your brand. I quit 2 years before my partner did and he continued to smoke "our brand" right in front of me during those two years. Makes it difficult, but ever so much more rewarding when you withstand the temptation.

    ReplyDelete
  12. good for you, strong strong woman. it's also good that you identified *why* you wanted to smoke which was just because, and not because you really wanted one. good for you.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Major props for not giving in. I so get this. I felt the same way while in NYC.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Good job, You amaze me with your strength. I have to admit I am weak. My wife still smokes, and refuses to consider quitting, which makes it very difficult for me to quit.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Well done Maggie.
    I often think about it too...but someone once said, thoughts are not things.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow, that's awesome! I didn't realize your nephew smoked, and you'd be spending days in the company of a smoker! Great, great work, Maggie! I'm sure these moments when you kinda wonder about bumming are waaaaaay outweighed by those moments (I think you get those, too) when you feel so really very positively good about not smoking anymore.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Good work Maggie! I am so glad you didn't "slip".

    This addiction we have is a crazy powerful force, and you made it. Good for you!

    One day at a time, one moment at a time.

    Nathan

    ReplyDelete

Talk to me.