Monday, July 13, 2009

What I Have to be Willing to Do

An old friend in old circles once shared an old saying that was new to me then but that often clunks around in my tired old mind now when pondering the tough stuff and the what-ifs and the oh-shits. It's spiritual in nature, even if in so many ways I'm that no longer, which isn't one of my shorter stories, and it simply helps me process complexities and my personal boogeymen by going like this:

I don't always have to do what I have to be willing to do.

I don't know the rest. I just know I've sorted out some thoughts about some of my worst fears. Honestly, they were even scarier than I'd feared. Making the journey into my heart and mind to make my peace with what I'd be willing to do if fear became reality has made a lot of important things crystal clear, unlike my cloudy crystal ball that keeps answering with unknowns. Sometimes you get lucky enough for just the results of such sorting out of willingness to be the whole point. My fingers are crossed for lucky. Toes, too.

Edited to add: This post was too vague to have made it easy to make any sense of it, so I've added some clarification here.

9 comments:

  1. thank goodness... the pressure is off, heeee heeeee heeeee

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  2. You are a very impressive young woman; intelligent, articulate, attractive, well read and well traveled. I have no idea what there is for you to be afraid of. The whole world is at your feet. All of that said - I guess, sometimes, when you're on the inside looking out, it's hard to see what the rest of us see in you. Go get 'em, tiger.

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  3. PS. i had a feeling it had nothing to do with japan and i hope that everything is ok and you're exactly right. i couldn't put it any better than you did about finding clarity by looking at the possibilities of something else. hearts and hugs that everything goes the good way.

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  4. Oh <3, just read the clarification post and I hope that your not-you friend is okay. Happy thoughts, hey.

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  5. Well, I sorta figured it didn't have to do with Japan - but I had a horrible thought that it had to do with Tom and (no, Tom, I don't think bad of you - I don't know you to think bad of you, and Maggie gushes about you lots, so I knew this was all wrong, but) perhaps some sort of ultimatium about the relationship and therefore you wouldn't go to Japan (or maybe you would) and although that was a horrible thought, now that it invovles not-you being possibly sick enough that you wouldn't go to Japan I'm hoping that the possibility of said sickness clears up and goes away for good real soon.

    Woot! Longest run on sentence perhaps?

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  6. Just the fact alone that you are willing to do whatever it is speaks very loudly to what a kind soul you have.

    I hope whatever happens works out for the best for all of you.

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  7. Clear as mud, but I get it. I hope that you don't have to do what you are willing to do either. I hope everything works out for all of you.

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